A new life, beginning and step.

I tried. But failed. But I have to try it again, for the rest of my life.

To be honest, I lied. I pretended I was okay.
I mean I was okay, but deep down there's something Im not okay with.

Well, here we go. 2012, being a form four. Life gets tougher, gets boooooooring, gets depressing.
But I accept it for the sake of growing up and be more matured, Insyaallah.
I just start schooling for 5 days, and I feel completely different than the past years. Everything is NEW.

Fake smile, everyday.

And, as I expected I didn't get the chance for taking Pure Science. 

But I would like to thank to the principal. Im okay with it. Im okay with this Economy package.

Everything seems like not freakin hard. If I try, I can get straight A's. And if I got the Pure Science,

I don't think so I can do it. I hate memorizing things, because Im the person 'cepat lupa'.

And Economy, Account, Science Terms, it's about doing exercises. I love it than memorizing lol.

The saddest part, me and Eila are not in a same class again.. again and again.

But maybe there's hikmah, if yes, we can't stop talking and gossiping maybe lol.

And I am all alone in the class. I mean I've my close friends, but they seems dont care bout me anymore.

It's okay, it's time to be focus in the class. No more playing, finishing all of the homeworks, do a revision.

But in a same place, it's depressing and feeling lonely and there's no more word of  'fun' anymore in my life.

*breathe in, breathe out* It's okay, I would do anything for the sake of my parents' happiness.

I want them to be proud of me when I show the SPM result. 

I hate this. I hate that everyone doesn't appreciate what I've done, or tried to do for them.

Maybe it's time to not care everyone's happiness, and just care for my very own happiness.

And I know I can't... I just hate thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. :(

And I do feel like there's nobody loves me anymore. Nobody wants to talk to me anymore.

Nobody wants to care about me anymore. Nobody even wants to look at me anymore.

But, I know that Allah is always there for me, whenever I need to talk and feel loved.

I love Allah. I love Al-Quran. I love Rasulullah. :)

And everytime I feel like puking, mad, or sad. I just take a deep breathe and just pray to Allah.

And keep on moving and pretending everything is alright, and gonna be alright. 

Lol and I know nobody even cares when reading this post. Ah, im such a fool.

2012's resolution, just focus on studies and being a good muslimah. Thats it. :)

Xx.